Redefining Family: Finding Home Through Community This Holiday Season

For anyone who may have stumbled into this little part of the internet for the first time, WELCOME! Meryl’s Safe Haven is a nonprofit organization founded to provide resources, shelter, and support to young adults who have aged out of the foster care system. Our motto is simple: Shelter the unsheltered. Our goal is common: to offer a place to call home, a community to lean on, and a family that doesn’t rely on shared DNA but on shared humanity. Our vision is based in equity. These blogs are often rooted in the perspective of our CEO.

Shall we...?

If you Google the word “family,” one definition you’ll find is:

“a group of one or two parents and their child or children living together as a unit.”

A neat, tidy definition, but if you’ve lived any amount of life, you know family is as complicated as that definition... A "group of one or two parents..." Okay... Family is as messy as that definition; however, I believe, it can be wrapped up in: belonging. Family is belonging, not biology and the holiday season—full of its own emotional chaos—reminds us of exactly that.

The Illusion and the Reality of the Holidays

When MSH first started, I spent a lot of time not just telling the story of the organization, but hearing the stories of those who had gone through the system. Stories of, now adults, children in the foster care system not being included in activities, events, and holidays that their foster family's biological children got to experience - talk about heartbreaking! Let's be honest, we’ve all seen the idealized version of the holidays: matching pajamas, laughter that sounds like wind chimes, a table straight out of a cooking show, etc., but reality is rarely that curated. For many, the holidays bring:

• grief for loved ones no longer here

• strained or painful family dynamics

• the heaviness of unmet expectations

• a deep sense of loneliness

• or the ache of never having had a “traditional” family at all

  
  

Some of our young adults at MSH in our Transitional Youth Empowerment program (TYEP) feel this deeply. Many have never experienced the kind of holiday nostalgia others take for granted and yet, in the absence of a traditional family, they build community with remarkable courage and resilience.

As adults—especially post-pandemic, when isolation became a default mode—we’re rediscovering what it means to build community intentionally. Your community might be:

• a friend who shows up without being asked

• a coworker who checks in when you go quiet

• a neighbor who brings over soup

• a mentor who listens without judgment

• or a stranger who offers unexpected kindness

  
  

This is the family you choose. This is the family that chooses you back and this year, I had a stark reminder of just how important that choice is.

While on vacation recently, I know, I was surprised that I went away too, I found myself in a moment that should have been peaceful—dinner, music in the background, a simple conversation of music drifting through the air. Then, a family friend casually referred to an artist as “gay,”; he doesn't like him because "he's gay" - using it as an insult.

Everything in me went still.

It wasn’t just the word—it was the ease. The assumption. The casual use to rationalize a lack of interest in their art. In that instant, I felt the sting that so many LGBTQ+ young people feel daily—especially those who have been rejected or shamed by their own families. I thought of the youth who come to MSH seeking safety, affirmation, and community because blood relatives chose judgment over love. That moment sharpened something in me. It reminded me that words can wound deeply, even when tossed casually. It reminded me that family is defined not by lineage, but by love. Not by shared DNA, but by shared dignity. And it reminded me why I, personally, have gotten to a place where I can simply cut off communication with individuals who don't recognize the true impact of actions and words.

Presence Over Perfection

Right before Thanksgiving, I saw a meme that said: Remeber to bring up politics during dinner so you can save some money for the holidays - that's defintely one way to do things. OR (maybe AND), if the holidays feel overwhelming this year, consider:

• time spent with people who make you feel safe

• quiet moments of rest

• laughter that isn’t forced

• conversations that nourish

• traditions you create for yourself

• boundaries that protect your peace

  
  

Some of the most meaningful holiday memories aren’t made in glamorous rooms. They’re made in community centers, shelters, church basements, or around mismatched tables where the warmth comes not from the décor but from the people gathered.

Home is not defined by walls. Family is not defined by blood. Belonging is not defined by tradition. Home is the place where you can breathe. Family is the group who protects your joy. Belonging is the community that values your whole self. You deserve people who stand with you, speak up for you, and celebrate you—not just during the holidays but all year long. As you move through this season, take a moment to reflect on the people who make you feel grounded. Think about the communities that have shown you kindness. Think about the moments that reminded you of your worth and then remember: You get to choose your family. You get to shape your community. You get to decide what “home” means for you.

At MSH, we work every day to offer young adults something they’ve often gone without: a family, a home, a chance. This holiday season, I invite you to join us in building that village:

• Donate to help provide housing, resources, and stability for our youth

• Join us for our 3rd Annual Rent Party fundraiser

• Volunteer your time, talents, and/or expertise

• Share our mission with your networks

• Speak up when harmful language or behavior tries to silence or shame

• Be intentional about the community you build—because someone out there is praying for exactly what you offer

  
  

Together, we can create a world where “family” isn’t defined by blood, but by love. Where community isn’t accidental, but intentional. Where every (young) person knows they belong.

Happy Holidays, Fam!