While this African Proverb speaks to the very existence of the populations Meryl's Safe Haven (MSH) serves, I'd be remiss if I didn't say this post didn't come about as I watched Disney's Encanto with my children this past weekend. Yes, I watch it, at least, once a day over the course of EVERY weekend. Welcome to parenthood with toddlers. I'll come back to this...
If you're reading this, I am going to assume that you know what MSH is about, how we came to be, and who we serve. If you're new here, a quick synopsis: MSH focuses on the marginalized. Research shows, a young person in the care of the state, Department of Children and Families (DCF), is less likely to be adopted the older they get. Imagine still looking for someone to call family at the age of 17 and holding on to the hope that one day it will happen and it doesn't before setting off on your own and cutting ties with that very system.
Come back for a second.
Now, imagine being a parent. You have done everything you possibly can to maintain your place of residence and now find yourself in a place where you can no longer "maintain" and have nowhere to go with your child(ren). You go to your local Department of Transitional Assistance (DTA) office only to find out you're over income by $1 and they cannot help you.
What do you do?
You go in search of that warmth: physically and metaphorically. Some look to burn the system down to. feel. its. warmth.
Often, this ignites an unending cycle of misfortunate for individuals impacted by this kind of trauma. Trauma that overloads every ounce of self: self-care, self-worth, self-esteem, self-control and, at times, introduces self-harm. At a time when everyone finds themselves challenged by something, we have forgotten what "It takes a village" means and the importance of those four words when stated and extended with care and true intention. For a lot of us, the idea of asking for help keeps us up at night. Again, I'm not a therapist, but I believe a therapist might say it is a trauma response. (Don't dig too deep into that.) I admit, while I find asking for help to be challenging, I find it harder to know someone needs help (without asking) and not do anything about it. As a parent of toddlers, when I find one of my children struggling to do something or wanting me to pick them up, I have two approaches. It starts with a conversation, I say to them one of two things: "Would you like help?" or "Help, please". If their world is completely upside down because we know how hard it is to be a toddler, I simply provide the support they need in that moment which, I hope, puts them in a better position next time around to either voice what they need or take matters into their own hands. Ultimately, the power is theirs.
Speaking of parenting.
Like many parents with small children, I have watched my children's favorites over, and over, and over, and over again. I know most of them word for word and song by song. At this rate, you might be able to hire me to perform at your children's parties. Did someone say, "side gig"? Kidding. My actual point here is that no matter how many times you hear or watch something, the epiphany won't come until the time is right. Or, as I saw in another movie, it is the "Right place, right time, and the right circumstance," which, I believe, is also cultural.
Getting back on track... So, I'm sitting on the couch watching Encanto, again, and it all hits me! The entire village relies on one family. This one family opens their arms to an entire community while ostracizing one of their own - their own flesh and blood! People who have seen it may argue that she didn't technically burn Casita down, but you can't ignore that it crumbled as she took a stance and found her voice to the benefit of many. Ultimately, it is her, the child who was not embraced who helped everyone find themselves along the way, restore the family, and restore the village's trust in them. Although the community has relied on them for so much, by the end, they remind the family that they alone are not the village but also members of the village who can and should be cared for. If you haven't seen the movie, sorry... there are a lot of layers, though, so I haven't completely ruined it.
What I hope you will walk away with: All villages have one thing in common and it is that they are made up of people with different journeys. There are a lot of people who find themselves challenged by many things, right now. There is, at least, one person in your personal village currently struggling with something you know nothing about. Be kind. There are people you do not know whom you will encounter, and you will be the last person they see. Show compassion. If you are a business owner and/or the CEO/ED of an organization and can pave the way or open a door for another organization or young entrepreneur looking to care for the village in which you operate or live... Extend a hand.
Lovely and inspiring. Thank you, Tasia