WARNING: THIS POST MAY BE TRIGGERING TO ANYONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCED LOST
The American Psychiatric Association defines PTSD as "A psychiatric disorder that may occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event, series of events or set of circumstances". I believe there is something missing here.
Disclaimer: I am not, in any way, shape or form, a medical expert, therapist, or anyone you should consider going to for advice on mental health, by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, while I find the study of people to be intriguing, I stepped away from psychology after my undergraduate degree. Thanks to those who continued the good fight.
Now that we're clear on that, know this post will be seemingly different from the others.
Over the last few weeks, I have continued my tour of "Who's Who in the City of Worcester". From funding organizations to organizations doing this work to connectors - there hasn't been a name or organization thrown out to me that I haven't followed up on; the journey of a million conversations. In fact, that is what brings me here, a new blog post within days of being able to check the box for our monthly posting. Most of my conversations are very similar, especially at the beginning: who are you and what do you want? Kidding, of course; no one has directly said that to me... yet? In these conversations, I begin by talking about my personal journey and make the connection to my aunt, Meryl, which allows me to transition smoothly into "what I want". My grief resurfaces, their sympathy is heartfelt, they are now aware of MSH and our mission. Business as usual.
However, this post isn't business as usual. This post is a bit more personal in nature and may be triggering.
In college, when leaving a party, leaving a volleyball game, leaving a campus event, my sisters and I always said, "Let me know when you make it in..." I always took for granted just how much ... care (there must be a better word) was embedded in that request/statement. It can feel motherly coming from a mother; it can feel controlling, coming from another but in hindsight, at its root, there (can be) genuine concern. The reality is, there are so many (life changing) events that can happen between the time you walk out of a door and the time it takes you to get to your next destination. It wasn't until I lost my aunt that I realized just how real that is.
Shifting your focus back to the APA definition of PTSD I previously provided, two things to know: (1) I didn't witness the car crash that took my aunt's life and (2) I had been waiting for her to give me a call back. If I'm being honest, I am still waiting for that call. Again, something is missing (in my opinion) because I didn't witness it nor do I feel I "experienced" it. Yet, if I am in communication with someone who is traveling from point A to point B or I'm with someone and we leave, heading into different directions/locations, I need to know they have arrived. If I really care for you, until I know you have arrived safely, not knowing can be mentally draining. I don't tend to be an over-thinker, but I can "what if" not hearing from someone pretty good and after experiencing lost in this way, I imagine, you can imagine. Although I was not there to physically experience or witness this traumatic event, my everyday life is impacted by it and, oddly enough, I didn't realize it until recently.
Today, I had the luxury of putting things into perspective for someone else. In the absence of having to work today, I scheduled an interview with a local paper to discuss MSH. The journalist was running late so she emailed me to inform me; she apologized prior to arriving, at arrival, during the interview, etc. and all I could say to her was "It's okay." I had a meeting following our discussion but there was nothing life altering happening that I couldn't wait for her safe arrival. We are where we should be at any given time of the day.
If I had to tie this posting back to the important work of nonprofits and MSH, I would remind you, the CEO/ED, staff member, board member, donor, funder, volunteer, who shows up in support of that organization's mission and vision that your connection makes you a part of the story and their existence. Whether you have directly or indirectly experienced "the cause", their reason for being, your presence is an indicator that you have been impacted. In these meetings, I continue to be encouraged to tell the story of start-up... to tell her story. I am encouraged, as the face of the organization, to show up and explain that we are because of her. At the core, in these meetings, the person sitting across from me fail to realize "what I want" isn't something they can give me short of turning back the hands of time.
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